Most Em-bare-assing "Mom"ment!!!

Most Em-bare-assing "Mom"ment!!!  
     We all have them.  They may be in the far recesses of your memory banks or in your future, but one thing is for sure...they are sure to be.  
     Allow me to take you back to a time that we liked to call "the trenches.". Sophie was 10 weeks old and we were leaving our third hotel.  For those of you who don't know or have forgotten, we spent the first year of Sophie's life on tour with "Shrek: The Musical.". I woke up early and put on one of those nursing bras that makes a valiant effort to be pretty, but is still a nursing-bra after all, a hot pink t-shirt that pulls down below your milk-makers for easy baby access, and a pair of yoga pants that were never ever used for yoga.  
     After breast-feeding Sophie in the hotel room, Soph and I headed to the luxurious breakfast at the Residence Inn in Dallas, TX.  Eric had packed the car while we fed and we planned to meet at breakfast.  The large room is open and bumping with people at 7:30a.m.  A few groups of businessmen, a family with older kids, and the people that worked at the Residence Inn are scattered about the tables.  I set our bags down and bring a, now sleeping, Sophie to the breakfast bar in her car-seat.  I struggle with the heavy car-seat on one arm and attempt to plate up biscuits and gravy with the other.  Everyone looks at me like I have four heads and I look at them like "Geez, you could help a sister out?!".   
     Finally, Eric walks through the entryway and exclaims..."Babe!". I look at him and put the car-seat down answering...."What?!". "Your shirt!" he gestures down at my hot pink t.  Breath. Gone.  Shirt.  Gone.  Only my lacey white nursing bra was out.  My hot pink t pulled down for quick access, never made it back up.  I had been walking around a hotel lobby for a solid 15-20 minutes with my goodies out.  Horrified, yet hysterical laughs take over my deliriously tired self.  What else is there to do?  Except, pull up that pink t, of course.  When I need to not take myself so seriously, I always think back to this incident.  Works every time.  What's your funniest or most embarrassing moment as a parent?  You know you have one!

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

     Why can't we all just get along?
     Listen, I'll be the first one to say that I have cast silent and, embarrassingly enough, some not-so-silent judgments on other mothers.  I'm so ashamed because I know that, as a mother, judgment is lavished upon us.  You learn from the moment you find out you're getting a child that everyone ...and their mother, has an opinion of how to raise that child.  As a NYC cabbie pulled up to my building near the Lincoln Tunnel to drop me off, at 8 months pregnant, he turned and offered his unsolicited advise through the plastic sliding window that separated him from me, as if we were at confession. "You cannot raise that baby here.  Too many fumes.  Too much traffic.  You have to move," he cautioned.  I learned to substitute my thoughts of "Thanks, but I'm not taking any judgments right now," for the lighter and easier to swallow..."Thanks for your thoughts."  Somehow, I can stomach the judgments of strangers, like my NYC cabbie, a little easier than I can the ones that come from our fellow parents.
   As our daughter is pushing 3 years old, we find that helping her foray into the social atmosphere of life and making friends is tougher than we thought.  For the time being, we can choose her friends, being that she really has no control over the matter.  We've been cautioned to embrace this time, as there will come a time when she breaks out from the chosen friendships we have guided her into and forges her own friendships.  The challenges that have arisen in this test are more complex than I imagined.  A couple you know previous to children has a child too...Do you need to make overtures there, even if you aren't raising your kids with the same rules?  Do you focus on kids in her school setting and try to reach out there, even if the parents seem distant to the friendships you've known?  How do you deal with differences in raising children within the family (cousins, step-siblings, etc.)?  How different is too different?  By that, I mean, where is the line that another family isn't a great partnership for your family?  Why?  It's important to tackle these questions in privacy, with our partner.  Once we bring it to a more public forum, it becomes gossipy gook that is no more helpful than the gum on my shoe.
     Okay, Simon is too loud, James hits, Gail doesn't obey, Gabe isn't verbal, John abuses toys, and my daughter is perfect.  I'm pretty sure this is the way everyone sees the world weighed against there own child.  The truth is.  No one is perfect.  Let's stop holding everyone up to some moral high ground that dwarfs them and learn from our mistakes and theirs.  There is no more useful tool than reflection.  If all the experiences with kids and families outside our own are moving us one step closer to insanity....let's turn the looking glass on ourselves.  I, for one, could use a great amount of improvement.  Even when I haven't been the one doing the dishing, I've lent a "sympathetic", albeit "intrigued", ear to the parent doing the dishing.  Now, I'm not saying to subject our kids to an unsafe environment or allow their highly impressionable minds to be molded by people we don't see eye to eye with, but let's give each other a break.  By and large, we are all doing the best we can.  Let's encourage each other and set a great example for our kids by not fostering the judgments.  Those little eyes and ears that are busy tucking in baby dolls on the other side of the room are picking up everything I am saying, even when I'm not directing it toward her.  So, we are now on a judgment diet.  Leave your gossip cookies at home and join us for some organic fun!

The Art Of Pretend

    Sophie (2yo) pulls a long white scarf down from the hooks in the entryway at home. She wraps herself in the scarf and patters into the bedroom, where I am putting away laundry. "I'm Married(Mary)," she says. "You Jesus. There's a dragon behind you!". She hands me a hanger, with the hook as a hand and insists that I "Get him!". I slay the poor dragon and turn to celebrate..."We did it. Got him!". "There's another one!," she points over my shoulder. Playing the role of a lifetime...Jesus: The Dragonslayer, I'm proud to say that I slayed 6 dragons that morning.
     The Art of Pretend. Under the direction of a 2yo, playtime takes us on an exciting tour of the world as she sees it. We spend a few hours each day in this world. I normally like to be 100% present and leave the phone in the pocket, but after this particular game, I couldn't resist capturing a few minutes to share. Enjoy and please share how you encourage creative play in your home and family life! We love your suggestions!

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Oh Rats!

     We couldn't wait to get to our LA home to sit on our couch and not be on top of each other, to have the luxury of doing laundry in the house, and to cook in a kitchen that had some elbow room.   Rodger the Rat had other ideas.  This pretentious booger thought he had won the jackpot when he took up residence with our subletters.  Apparently, he went unnoticed by the young men who were kind enough to leave coke cans and candy wrappers under the couch, cookie dough in the sink and pressed into a kitchen drawer, as well as a few open containers of food in the pantry and on the countertop.  How inviting.  We arrived home wondering if a small dog had been in the house, as there was a hole in the couch and the carpet under the couch had huge chunks eaten out of it.  Then, we saw the rat poo...so much rat poo...and it was big poo...from a big rat.  Barf.  I threw in some laundry, as we waited for Pest Control and Animal Trapping Services to come out.  As I walked back to the bedroom, the sound of running water stopped me.  I ran back into the kitchen to see water flooding out from the bottom of the washer.   What? Is Happening?
     Pest Control did a full home inspection and estimated that from browning on cables and the amount of rat poop found under the couch, in cabinets, and in closets...the rat had been a squatter for a few months.  When the renters left, the rat took the opportunity to pee, poop on and eat the couch.  They advised that Sophie sleep with us until we had the issue under control.   We had live traps inside the house and snap traps under the house.  Within a day and half, we caught the sucker.  The trapper said that believe it or not, all this could be done by one rat over a period of 3 months or so.  What is so freaky through...is that I'm just not sure.  We replaced the couch and the rug.  We took everything out of all the kitchen cabinets, cleaned the cabinets and the contents.  Rodger Rat's favorite drawer just so happened to be the drawer filled with Sophie's cups and plates.  We just dumped the whole drawer in the trash, including a plate that had the corner chewed off.  Gross.  Vacuum.  Clean.  Bleach.  Clean.  We spent the first week just cleaning.  Oh, and that washer thing?  It turns out that Rodger found the hose to the washer a delicacy and devoured 4 inch long holes in 3 places.  It's been two weeks and we are still waiting on that special washer hose replacement part (for some reason we need an extra long one).  So we are back to taking our laundry out and boy do we have a ton of it.  With a two year old and returning from traveling to Eric's parents and across the country, our laundry situation is now at a code red.  After a surprise potty attack on Sophie and the discovery that Eric and I were swiftly running out of underwear, I turned to the kitchen sink and 1906 to wash the necessities.
     After a week, the trapping service said they felt confident Rodger Rat was working alone and gave us the go ahead for Soph to sleep in her own bed.  She was excited about her bed, but to be honest I missed her and wasn't altogether sure I could rest.  I watched the monitor through the night like she was giving an Oscar winning performance.  At the slightest crack of the house, I flew into the room, ready to take on Rodger's brother, who had come to avenge his untimely death.  Alas, I have yet to discover anything but a safe, sound, and snug toddler sleeping in her bed.
       I have found myself on high alert all the time.  In the grocery store, I yelled out for Sophie like a woman with turrets only to find her right behind me.  I'm on edge when I'm driving, positive that someone is not going to follow the road rules.  At home, I'm afraid that another rat is lurking and just too smart to get caught by the traps.  I've walked next to a rat in the subway in NY.  I've seen one go under a stroller on the subway platform.  I seen them on the street, but it is unnerving to have one in your home.
    Listen, there are definitely worse things that could happen in life.  With that in perspective, it might take me a few weeks to settle down and not imagine that the ponytail on my shoulder is a rodent trying to whisper secret recipes into my ear alla "Ratatouille."

Where Are They Now?

Goodbye City Life!  L.A., we are theeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!  For the past 5 months, Sophie has slept in the closet of our 1br apartment on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.  In our quest to find a 5 month furnished sublet in a safe neighborhood, close to the theatre district, that was somewhere near our budget, here at 86th St. and Riverside is where we found ourselves...in a tiny one bedroom, but with tons of great city stuff around us to explore.  We had an elevator and a doorman, which made up for lost space.

This was our bedroom.  We each had one drawer in a 3-drawer dresser and there is an identical closet to the one Sophie slept in just out of frame (which we shared and stored our suitcases in.)

Yes.  This is the living room and kitchen in one.  We like to call it an open floor plan.  You can see the edge of the love seat to the right.  We got very cozy there.


Two stacks of boxes that we mailed to L.A.  How did all this stuff even fit in that tiny apartment?  Somehow it worked.  We set up a little, very, very, little play space for Soph and used cabinets and on top of cabinets for storage and ledges became bookcases for Sophie's library.   We got creative and having a small space forced us to get out and be a part of the city.  The Natural History Museum, the Children's Museum of Manhattan, Broadway shows, The Rockettes, Central Park, Times Square, Union Square, East Village Arlene's Grocery, Riverside Park, Hippo Playground, River Run Playground, Upper West Side Sunday Brunch, the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree, Trick-or-Treat on 87th St., Holiday lights and lobby decorations for Christmas...  The excitement comes at the price.    As winter closed in on us, we became increasingly ready to depart for sunny L.A.  As the January cold closed us into the apartment, we were all ready to say goodbye to our 5 month affair with our old flame, New York City.  It's been magical, but it's time to move on.
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The Princess And The Blog.

     I recently read something that awoke a new corner of me.  After I read about how a set of parent's are desperately trying to keep out princess culture, I realized that this isn't the first I've heard of parents hating on the princesses like some evil step mother, eager for their children to be successful rather than silly.  Their hypocrisy singed me, as fairytales had been a part of my upbringing and we allow our daughter to experiment with ideas and characters brought forward by the "princess culture." So now arises my inner warrior to protect the imaginations of children far and wide from being given walls to keep out imagination instead of tools to expand it.  I actually feel for those parents and hope that in there own lives, they learn to find purpose in things of beauty and innocence, rather than seeing them as a waist of time.  Stop and smell the roses!
     The idea that princesses fill our children with ideas of self-entitlement and privilege is as used up and archaic as you can get.   It doesn't make you a modern or cool or intelligent parent to fracture off a piece of magic because you are too short-sighted to see past the pretty dress.  A child's imagination is one of the most powerful tools they possess.  Giving them strict confines, by insinuating that their chosen play is inferior, deserves a finger wag toward the parent that does so. The confines and rules inflicted on pretend defy the rules of pretend itself.
     There are admittedly pros and cons to any stereotype.  Let's choose to extrapolate the great attributes that princess stories teach.  They are great for arming our girls with ways to deal with adversity.  Dealing with their own mistakes, understanding that there are consequences for their actions, building strong friendships, helping people and animals, seeing the best in others and learning to assert themselves are just a few ideas we can choose to highlight.
     Some have said to their children mid-play that being a princess is not a career.  This leads me to believe that these parents need a lesson in improv.  Giving your children an absolute no in the land of pretend is an absolute crime.  Maybe it isn't the game you want to play or an idea you want to promote, but give them some credit.  They pick up things in these movies that are far beyond romantic whimsy and entitlement.   When they do pick up those things, it is our job to help them see that those adjectives are usually left for the evil step-sisters who dream of more money and power, feeling they are above others.  I would actually say, on the whole, that the ideas of entitlement, greed, and vanity are villainized in most princess stories.  So, while being a princess may not be a career, we can certainly learn a lot from these young ladies who value education and service.
     Snow White was a princess that possibly grew up to be a veterinarian.  Her way with animals is unparalleled among the princesses.  She is kind, gentle, and caring.  She is a teacher to her friends the dwarves and although the film ends with true love's kiss, the majority of the story has themes that children can learn from.
     Cinderella is a wonderful cook, seamstress and designer.  In the most recent movie, she tried her hand at event planning.  That's a lucrative business in today's world.
     Belle is a researcher.  She loves reading and, as the story goes, has read every book in town, some of them many times over.  Pitching in a helping hand to her father, the inventor, I'm sure her research comes in handy.
     Ariel is most definitely a skilled scientist or archaeologist.  She collects things from the wreckage of ships and studies how they relate to a different culture.  She experiments with a fork as a hair comb.  Maybe she grows up to be a consultant for NASA.  I bet, she would have been a great contributor to the control room during the Apollo 13 mission with her quick thinking and fearless way of exploring the potential of objects.   She also is amazing in the sport of swimming, though she may have a slight advantage.  We have given her a lot of thought as this is my daughter's favorite world of pretend at the moment.
     Tiana is a Chef.  She spends her whole life saving money and working toward a well thought-out goal.
     Rapunzel is an artist.  Specifically skilled at painting, she uses her books, music, and imagination to get inspired.
     Let's not forget that Fiona probably teaches kickboxing and self-defense.  Have you seen her moves?

     We use the princess stories to inspire our daughter to do good in the world and be good to people.  Role playing gives us an easy way to arm Sophie in ways of dealing with adversity in life.  Haven't we all been a version of one of these characters?
     Has anyone ever been "awakened" by someone from their past.  Sometimes I see something inspiring from a person and it reinstates my faith in the human race and...walla...I have my Snow White moment.
     Have you ever had to deal with a boss that was just terrible to you and had to wait for just the right moment so that you could assert yourself and move on to a better job...Cinderella.
     Maybe you are made fun of by people because you are smart or just a little "off."  Belle was rewarded with love by seeing past the Beast's looks.  If we remember, she was afraid of the talking furniture too, at first, but was able to see that behind the facade they all were the same, in the fact that they were all trapped by their longing for the familiarity of their past lives.  This story teaches you to leave the past behind and persevere though adversity to a new life.
     Ariel (Sophie's favorite right now) makes brash decisions that put her friends and family in danger.  She has to "face the music," incurring the disappointment of her father and doing business with someone who almost cost her her life.
     Tiana is a strong girl with big dreams who has done everything "right."  In a moment of weakness, she tries her luck at a short cut.  The prince has done the same thing and they ended up in the swamp.
     Rapunzel follows her heart and finds strength within herself and the wisdom of discernment along her journey.
     Fiona allows herself to be redefined.  She dreams of one "happy ending" at the beginning of her story and then is changed by life and instead of holding on to a dream that is tired, she ends up awakened to the idea that a "happy ending" is getting to be your true self.  

     One of the biggest factors that must be noted is that we spend just as much time pretending to be princes swinging from sails on ships (bathtubs), crocs cruising for hands, pirates searching for treasure with a highlighter as a spyglass, or backpacked sleuths using a receipt as a map and a hand mirror as a magnifying glass.
     Our fairytale play is a family-tale.  We all work together.  When I play Ursula or the stepmother in our make-believe, Sophie asserts herself and bravely tells me that I'm "not nice.  That's mean. Stop."  Ever since my sister-n-law told Soph that she needed to take care of her "princess" teeth when brushing, I have been met with nothing short of exuberance on a subject previously scorned.  So, I'm going to propose that a little vanity can be construed as just regular ole hygiene peeps.
     As long as I'm proposing things, allow me to suggest... Let's stop being so anti-everything and find a way to celebrate our kid's interest, instead of wishing away the "princess" years.  Why can't we multi-task?  We dress up like princesses, chefs, or pirates and play with building blocks or put together puzzles or read books in our costumes.  Just because you are dressed like a princess or...whatever, doesn't mean you have to spend all day in front of a mirror.  As I recall, none of the princesses I have ever read about are slaves to their mirror.  For our children's sake, let's think outside the box.  If your kids do happen to be conventionally beautiful, don't make them ashamed of it by insinuating that throwing on a pretty dress is hiding a vapid, empty being.  There are endless treasures inside all our kids, no matter what they look like or "who" they're wearing.

     I am most certainly influenced by the fact that my husband and I have both earned our living as actors for the past many years.  We are both college grads and I am currently continuing my education with Early Childhood Development through UCLA.

To The Next Episode.

     Spanning the room, I take in the boxes, packing tape, and general mess, the all too familiar vision makes me feel like a woman on the run.  If you are a reader, you know that ever since before Soph was born, Eric and I have been traveling.  Most recently, we attempted to settle in L.A., buying a house, moving our things from various cities to our new home, and even putting some decorative touches on the place.  That, however, did not stop us from jumping on that plane to New York for Eric's next Broadway show.  Here we are 4 months later, boxing up our lives again and heading back across the country.  
     Only this time, it feels different.  Instead of looking up what coffee shop will be close at our next destination and what children's museum the city will have to offer, we are going home.  Just as the time in NYC was so needed to catch our breath, we are excited and grateful to be headed home.  What a journey the last 4 months have been?!
      The planning to get here, the search for subtenants at our LA home, the excitement of New York City at the holidays, and the new depths to relationships that illness can bring to a family.  When we set out for our time here, I knew it would be different.
     Are we excited about going "home?"  Are we sad to be leaving NYC?  Both.  We have many mixed feelings, but the one undeniable feeling is that it is time to go.  It has been a journey.
     From the time Eric auditioned to the time we got to NYC, life was a whirlwind.  He booked it!  We squealed with delight, like a Gather family harmony.  What tremendous things we had heard about the Broadway play he would be joining the cast of!  He desperately wanted to be in a PLAY on Broadway and here it was...his chance to do that.  The job I had taken to keep us afloat for a few months in LA was wrapping up, so I stayed on a week and finished my job, worked things out with Sophie's preschool, and finished getting the house ready for subtenants.  I was excited too!  It was a miracle that we got subtenants for exactly the time we planned to spend in NYC.  I was going to get to be with Sophie full-time again, which we all figured out during my days of working, that it was just too soon for her.  She still needed me home, as long as she wasn't in school.  And New York!  It was going to be  Fall and then the holidays!  These are the seasons that are the backdrop for so many romantic movies about NY for a reason!
     Maybe I'm saucing it up too much.  Allow me to expand.  When we tried to sublet, Eric planned for me to show a possible subletter our house.  When  a guy I will call "Gothic Creeper Joe" showed up at the door for the appointment, my heart dropped a bit.  As I answered his questions, I wondered if he would be back that night to try to drink my blood or something.  I shoved off that intuition and began asking him some friendly questions (i.e. Where are you from?  Do you work close by?) that were met with awkwardness and conflicting answers, leading me to believe that I had better set the alarm tonight.  Don't worry though.  "G.C.Joe" never came back and we rented to some recent college grads.  In our attempt to find a place in NYC, after much searching and the help of our friend in real estate, we found the perfect place (2br, across from a park, safe neighborhood) and, only after copious amounts of paperwork that NYC demands from renters...we lost it to a higher bidder.  That's ok, cause we ended up here...on the Upper West Side.  And now that we have had the experience of living here, I can't imagine this time anywhere else.
     We cased the neighborhood and I bought some books about New York, in relation to kids.  It's a different place with kids.  I say that in the best way possible because we have had an absolute ball.  We've seen Broadway shows, walked through parks, played in parks, visited museums, and have eaten at some wonderful restaurants.  If you are visiting NY with your kiddies and don't know where to start, check out these books.








     As magical as the holidays were, with all the wonder of the city, traveling to see our folks, and having family visit; The magic has begun to fade away and the coldness is setting in.  January 31st and the return to our home couldn't come soon enough.  Sophie's ballet class has ended and the weeks are long for her without her classes.  I'm feeling like I can't settle into or commit to anything long term (job, friendships, classes) because our eminent trip home looms over me.  Eric is growing tired of the monotony that can dangerously set in when doing 8 shows a week on Broadway.  We didn't see our friends as much as we hoped.  They have all moved on to different neighborhoods and different walks of life.  Things don't seem to change so quickly when you're in the middle of it, but when you come back to a world you've known and so much about it is different, it's a humbling experience because we see that we, too, have changed.  I feel like we were in a magic snow globe for a few months and now all the snow has settled and you can see the imperfections of the figures inside.
    Packing always does this to me.  It makes me feel sentimental and a bit dramatic.  Naturally, I guess. All the things that were once put on a shelf or stacked nicely in a drawer...um, I mean, thrown into a drawer never to be found again, are pulled out and revisited as we are forced to examine our life with a fine-toothed comb.  It's healthy, I think.  We have no choice but to rid ourselves of anything that isn't necessary.  It's Feng Shway. Fing Shwau.  Fung Schuay.  Whatever.  You get it.
    With Eric's new TV show on the horizon, things in LA seem promising.  We get back to our home on the 31st and are supposed to find out the next day whether or not the show gets picked up.  So, I guess no matter what, we are going home.  It's a new episode in our lives.  The adventure continues and we roll with it, baby.