Parenting Your Broadway Baby

     
     

     "Come on, man," screams a parent at an umpire over your shoulder at the little league game and before long you are swept into the culture and the screaming is coming from your own mouth.  Listen, we all know the parent who screams from the bleachers at the field, losing himself in the moment hoping for the best for their kid, yet revealing their inner crazy.  The same thing happens to kid actor parents. One day they are a tearful mom clapping for their little Munchkin in the school play and the next thing they know they have created a tearful child because they are racing all over a city spending every play date time in a waiting room with 100 other miserable children and their hopeful parents.  The screams are maybe more internalized with stage parents, but they are screams nonetheless.
     When Sophie was still swimming in my belly, people were asking me if we were going to put her in “the business.” I joking would say that I am going to encourage her to be a neurosurgeon instead.  Because however difficult that is, it must be easier than the life of an actor.  At a certain point though, you begin to realize that your guidance is a mere suggestion and nature is eminent.  We have to embrace the fact that she was basically born backstage and raised in dressing rooms, making backstage anywhere feel like home to our little roadie.  
     EVERY parent, EVERYwhere between NYC to LA has had the revelatory moment as they watch their bundle of joy belt out “Let It Go” on the stage of their living room knows they are sitting on a star.  Some parents are satisfied to post it on YouTube or text to grandparents, while others start researching local agents and acting classes.  Our journey was somewhere in between those stories.
     Because of Eric’s career as an actor, we happened to know a casting director, who years earlier told us to call him when Sophie was ready. During Eric’s taping of the TV show, “Kirstie” for TVLand, Sophie begged that she wanted to do what daddy did...acting.  We called up our friend and Sophie took a few meetings with agents. They all wanted her and we asked her who she liked best. She chose the people who gave her candy...go figure. Her first audition was for “Grace and Frankie,” the Netflix show and she booked it! The first season she played Brooklyn Decker’s daughter, granddaughter to Jane Fonda and Lily Thomlin. As she went in for the audition, Eric told her to just be herself in his most valiant attempt at good stage parenting. Her response was indicative of all things Sophie as she matter of factly said,"No Daddy, I'm going to be the character." She loved the routine of the set and being part of the filming.  She would come home and transform her pink karaoke mic stand into a boom mic and held it over us, assigning us lines and staging, and directing us with “action” and “cut”.  What a pro! 
     Not too long after that job, we moved to NYC for Eric to do School of Rock and Soph took a break from being a pro to just be a kid. I signed her up for school plays like "Willy Wonka" in CA, where she played an Oompa Loompa, and she took a kids class where they learned basic acting stuff and performed a short musical at the end of the session.  
     While many parents might view the professional work as better than the school play, I’ve got to say both are equally valuable.  It’s important for kids to feel like they are part of the community at their school and to contribute to the greater good, understanding that the experience is a building block of an artist.  It might not be the role of a lifetime and there will be no school play that contributes to their college fund, but the community experience builds their life experience, so give them that too!  
     Just remember that unless Oscar and Tony are the names of your kids, they are not the most important names around.  

The Ballad of the Ballerina

The Ballad of the Ballerina.
A Sophie Petersen original work of live theatrical art, as depicted by her mommy, Lisa Morabito Petersen.

       My 3 year old and I have a weekly tradition of going to ballet class on Tuesday morning, followed by a trip to a neighborhood coffee shop.  Soph loves it because they have pink macaroons, bistro tables for two and a shop.
       My ballerina gracefully prances her way into the shop, which has an intimacy that recalls a French cafe.  In it, she looks like a living Degas portrait.  Her pink leotard and tutu bounce playfully and her giant round eyes bob with laughter and seem exceptionally large and beautiful today, as her hair sits in a perfect ballerina bun on top of her head.  The look is completed by a bedazzled mini tiara.
     We choose our snack and grab a table.  A steady stream of admirers pass by and remind Sophie how adorable she looks and inquire about her ballerina costume.  After we enjoy our pink and green macaroons, Sophie enjoys the freedom of choosing a children's book from a magazine rack at the front of the store..."All by her self." As Mommy, I love this feature to the shop because not only does it encourage us to bring our children to the quant shop, but to sit, read, and even stay a while.  Their selection for children are mostly books with heavy themes of being environmentally friendly and scientifically minded.  Oh, it makes me feel so smart and intellectual, I could squeak like a baby dolphin.  The book about invention is followed by a book about how aliens destroyed the world because they used all the resources irresponsibly.  Now that I have patted myself on the back for being such a great guiding mommy, we peruse the store.
     The store is filled with beautiful things...trinkets, candles, paintings, etc.  Deep in the store, one table is an oasis of children's books and toys.  Sophie is relieved when I give her the "ok" to touch the items on that table.  After she thumbs through a few books, she spots a notebook shaped tin with a picture of a ballerina on the front, containing (40+!!!!) magnets to design the dancer's scene.  She turns to me, with the tin hugged to her body. "Dress ups, Mommy!!! Can I take this home with me?  Please?" she says straddling a line of begging and sensibility just perfectly.  "We have so many toys at home Soph.  We just got some things yesterday at the store," I counter.  "But I want to play with this," she argues.  By this point, I am at the cashier prepared to pay for a friend's gift.
      As I turn to look at my daughter, she transports me into her tragedy.  All of the sudden, she becomes aware of the sad French song that is playing throughout the store.  She turns from me, defeated.  Her arms slump, her head hangs forward, and she drags her feet as she forces herself to return the toy to the table. As she gets a few feet from me, the music swells, she turns to me and holds out the toy with both hands, her eyes begging me to love her by buying her this.  She knows I have made up my mind, as she hugs the toy to her chest and dramatically turns toward the table.  She holds her position, as the singer quietly explains something in French.  To the beat of the ballad, Sophie does a trudge, trudge, trudge, trudge all the way to the table.  I laugh to myself, as I think that it almost worked on me. 
       As she lifts the tin, the singer and Sophie have clearly conspired against me.  She glides the tin over it's place on the table, spins to the neighboring table and places it down, with her mournful head on top. Sophie looks up, at just the right angle that might make you mistake her for a lost puppy.  She says nothing and although I don't speak French....I'm prrrrrrtetty sure the singer was narrating Sophie's dance with a "Why don't you love me.  If you loved me, you would buy me this."  Sophie continues her dance with the tin, to the French song.  I turn away, as I can feel my resolve melting by the soft ember burn of her perfectly executed ballet.
       "Bring it to the counter," I say still facing away.
       "What?" says a little voice infused with disbelief.
       "Well," I thought, "If she can't win a Tony for that performance, she should at least get a toy."
        In all seriousness, we, as parents, are constantly caught between the idea of wanting to give them the world and wanting to teach them how to deal with not getting everything they want.  It's a road well traveled and we all do our best.  Today, she showed me she had some real artistic determination and that...I just have to appreciate.  There's a lot of nuance in parenting...and apparently that is not lost on our children.  Enjoy it because, as they say, "It will all be over too soon."


*The picture is from last week's class, but it gives you an idea of what I'm working with here.  Pure cuteness.

Why This Mommy Decided To Get Schooled.

Why This Mommy Decided To Get Schooled.  
     Okay.  Now what?!  I read all the books on development during pregnancy, sleep training, and the anecdotal "make-me-laugh" books by celebrities with babies.   The What to Expect i-phone App gives you a little glimpse of Word Pictures, a track of where your child should be on average, but that just wasn't cutting it for me.  Baby Center offers their weekly advice and is a gathering of the minds and a cyber group where we can compare and contrast thoughts on what we are going through as parents.  I found that with each article I read, I was bogged down with different voices and many times these mommy cyber-hubs become stomping grounds for a virtual yelling match.
     As my search into educational programs for my little girl became more serious, I decided to take things to a whole. 'mother. level.   When it comes to life forms, there are always a number of scientific theories on developmental growth.  It will always be a study and never a definitive because there are so many variables with children that differ among the individual and environment.  Having taken my daughter to a number of classes offering different styles of learning, I was most intrigued by those programs that were yielding, what I observed to have the greatest impact on her social and cognitive growth.
     There was a program in New York City that had a great indoor playground space where we had an experience that made my question clock start ticking.  The lack of any structure at all and a teacher who waited for children to approach her resulted in many children being left behind.  I watched as my daughter tried to make a connection with another child using baby dolls.  The teacher rinsed brushes and then turned and sang a song with zero participation from her class.  As I watched the teacher with her stained apron and a vaguely absent look on her face sing from the corner, behind a desk, to a room full of 2.5 year olds, I wondered...how much glue did she sniff this morning?  We decided not to have Sophie continue in Ms. Sniff's class, but instead found an eclectic blend of classes and play spaces for our 6 months in NYC.
     The question that this experience caused me to raise to myself was, "What am I looking for in an educational environment for my daughter?"  The answer was...I don't know.  I was actually quite embarrassed by the fact that I wasn't privy to the new sciences or developments on education or school preparedness.  Well, I wasn't going to waste anymore time wallowing in my embarrassment.  There's no time like the present to start finding answers.
     Of course, there is the checklist of top schools or "feeder" schools (for those in a big city private school market).  This list only yielded more questions for me.  Why?!  Why are these the best schools or programs?  Is it because some celebrity kids went there?  Is it because it was a great school 20 years ago?  Is there something in the water?
     I had to go deeper.  I reflected on my own childhood.  30 years ago, there just weren't the options that we have today.  The social skills and cognitive learning that we acquired in preschool was often times a happy accident and less a calculated journey to what we now call school-readiness.  I was grateful that it was easy enough to acquire information about milestones from popular parenting websites, but I felt that there was much more to this nut.  I was merely scratching at the shell.
   I'm not sure how many times I read it before it really sank in, but here is the idea that sent me on my newest and most empowering journey yet.  I, as her parent, was her first and greatest teacher.  A while ago, a friend who works at a school in CA had asked if I would be interested in subbing.  I brushed off the idea because I thought I wasn't interested.  All of the sudden, I realized that maybe I needed to be. Maybe I don't need to make a career out of it, but I realized as we began to walk home from Ms. Sniff's disaster that I could acquire this knowledge simply to improve the quality of life and education for myself and my child.  I found a program with some classes that interested me through the UCLA Extension program and before I could blink, I had enrolled.
     What was this strange sensation?  My heart beat quickened.  My palms were sweaty.  This isn't what empowerment was supposed to feel like.  Ahhh.  Self-doubt, my old-nemises.  Long time no see.  What am I doing, I thought?  I've already graduated college.  I'm going to make a fool of myself.  How do you even attend a class online?  This is a joke.  I'm not going to really learn anything.  Arghhh.  I'm just wasting money and time.
     Log In.  As I signed in for my first classes, I began reading from the textbooks about Early Childhood Development and understanding the science of cell make-up, the forming of the child and the various theories and practices that have become widely used and appreciated in the world of Early Childhood Development.  Old Pouty Self-doubty had to retreat to some untapped recess of my now fully engaged mind.  The new information was exciting and I found that it wasn't simply acquiring the information that brought me enjoyment, but rather the fact that I could now, with life experience, bring something special to that information.  Nothing is more empowering than literally feeling yourself blossom from that Miracle-Gro blend of information and experience.
     Since beginning the continuing education classes, I have been able to help our family better define what is right for us in regards to school choice and we have an approach to "at-home" learning that works in tandem with what they do at the program where Sophie is now.  In September, I will have completed my Teaching Certificate through the UCLA Extension.  You don't have to become a teacher to access the information that I found so helpful through my continued education, but there is a world beyond what can be attained through "gut-parenting."  In this article, I mean to champion those who are out there who want more for your kids and are paralyzed or suffocating under a wealth of to-do lists and shoulds.  You don't need someone to tell you what you should do with your child in every circumstance and situation.  There is no perfect playbook.  What we can do is know our kid, know ourselves and teach them to reach...for greatness.

Have you ever thought about going back to school?