Finding My Child in The Middle: Our Journey Into Middle Childhood.
About a year ago, at age 7, my daughter began dreaming of an art and architectural exploration of Paris. I, myself, never having been overseas, pushed aside the idea and tried to refocus on what I felt to be the more financially attainable doll house. When a friend sent us an unbelievable deal from Norwegian Air, we made a decision to set fear and maybe reason aside, and double-clicked for it. At Christmas, Sophie and I each opened a box with a ticket and a beret symbolizing a Mommy/Daughter trip to Paris in the Spring.
My husband was the one who actually highlighted the importance of reinforcing the Mommy/Daughter bond at this age. As a teacher, I couldn't argue the point. This is a pivotal age in child development and preserving the bond between parent and child during this specific year is of epic importance. We've now exited Early Childhood Development and entered what professionals call Middle Childhood. It's often a missed transitional period that we don't quite know what to do with. It's the (bum, bum, bummmm...) MIDDLE. We've all heard the refrains about the first 5 years and the brain wave that you must catch in order to build a foundationally sound little human. But between that tidal wave and Puberty lies the MIDDLE. It's that spot where you can lose the blinding light of joy that accompanies birth when you've entered the journey as a parent, and are now often walking robotically guided through The Dim, like a Roomba at work, gently guided back to the path by the walls of schedules, classes and all the other "supposed to" guidelines. There is no more magical back light from birth and the light at the end of the tunnel is too far off to acknowledge. Where are we and what are we supposed to do now?
My husband was the one who actually highlighted the importance of reinforcing the Mommy/Daughter bond at this age. As a teacher, I couldn't argue the point. This is a pivotal age in child development and preserving the bond between parent and child during this specific year is of epic importance. We've now exited Early Childhood Development and entered what professionals call Middle Childhood. It's often a missed transitional period that we don't quite know what to do with. It's the (bum, bum, bummmm...) MIDDLE. We've all heard the refrains about the first 5 years and the brain wave that you must catch in order to build a foundationally sound little human. But between that tidal wave and Puberty lies the MIDDLE. It's that spot where you can lose the blinding light of joy that accompanies birth when you've entered the journey as a parent, and are now often walking robotically guided through The Dim, like a Roomba at work, gently guided back to the path by the walls of schedules, classes and all the other "supposed to" guidelines. There is no more magical back light from birth and the light at the end of the tunnel is too far off to acknowledge. Where are we and what are we supposed to do now?
Welcome to Middle Childhood, that "SOMEWHERE place" between 7 and 11 years, give or take a year depending on your kid. School age children naturally experience the positive and sometimes negative effects of Social Comparison, synonymous with The Middle. We often forget to take pictures because, we have already documented all the 1st things from wobbly steps to surprising words and the child is now becoming an individual outside the home as they spend more time at school and with friends, being influenced and changed by their surroundings which account for most of their time at this point. Middle Childhood is also a time when your young influencer realizes the power of social influence that they themselves weild with as much or more power than their beloved Harry Potter. Teaching the responsibility to the general good is learned during this time. The self-expression and compassion they developed during Early Childhood are now bathed in a spotlight and put to the test while they navigate what being true to themselves means. I view this as a golden time where they get to practice how to use their human powers of friendship and expression before we put the actual weapons of technology into their hands, when they operate Insta accounts and Facebook pages.
Reclaim the power of the parent/child bond during this window by creating common experiences, which increases trust and understanding between you and your child. Exploring the unknown together sets the stage for a life game that you both want to win while you’re playing on the same team... working toward the same goals. We chose to do this by taking a trip together to a place neither of us had ever been. I wasn't showing her something, but rather we were learning something together. We were learning about each other and by trying to be good at the relationship with my daughter, I was inadvertently showing her how I expect her to have successful relationships with friends. We had to practice implementing both of our ideas on places we wanted to visit. Listening to each other was a skill that developed as we planned and continued as we journeyed. Navigating the Metro, practicing awareness for sketchy people (pickpockets), and evoking a good back and forth conversation with someone were just a few things that surfaced as being great take-aways from our together time. I honestly wasn't sure I'd ever spent as much time with my daughter, where I had no excuse to remove myself. With no work, no other children, no driving, no husband, no one to talk to on the phone as our world was asleep half way around the world and all of the sudden I was EXPOSED. I needed to answer for myself and there is nothing left to do but look at the face of your child across from you and be present. We discovered that what cracked us up was reenacting paintings and artwork. What will you discover in the Middle? Don’t forget, your child isn’t just bonding with you. You are bonding with them as well. That is a truth I know only from navigating our trip together. Spending a few months looking into where we wanted to go in Paris, researching the history of those places, and learning some of the language were all micro-experiences within this bigger one of traveling to the unknown together...The unknown not only being Paris, but the person I was with. I discovered that while I felt the cavernous difference between being a carefree 8 year old and a stressed out 38 year old, we were able to mind the gap and find that navigating the NEW together is more thrilling than figuring it out alone. Middle Childhood is more than a Developmental Stage, it's a meeting place. We met in The Middle.
